For Sale by Desperate

I am the living example of Murphy's Law in action. For the past five or six years, I've watched real estate prices in my neighborhood soar and houses fly off the market in days. But what happens when I put my own house on the market? It implodes.



This is a metaphor for my life.



My new husband and I decided to sell our brick rowhouse and move to the wide open spaces of Texas about a year ago. We've spent a lot of time out there, visiting our two sets of best friends who live out there, coincidentally about twenty miles apart. Well, Texas is such a tiny little state after all........



So we spent about six months getting the house ready and getting things in order. We even got married. Finally, we chose a realtor and took the plunge.



And BOOM!



Now we sit here, six months and three price drops later, still waiting to sell this house. And it's not a bad house. It's really a very nice one, with lots of improvements. But here we still sit.



We have shown the house countless times. We get the call and go into Marathon Cleaning Mode. It's like when my mother calls and says she's coming over and I panic and go into Swiffer overdrive. Febreze is my new best friend. And Magic Erasers combined with Kaboom are a sure fire cleaning combination. But it's getting old, you know?



We even got an offer about a month after the house went on the market. And what an offer it was! These buyers already had a mortgage guarantee and all. And they really wanted my house. The loved it! So we anxiously waited twenty four hours for the offer to be presented by our realtor. It was $45,000 under asking price. They wanted us to pay all of their closing. They wanted us to pay for inspections and warranties. And make all repairs that were found to be needed by said inspectors. I was not pleased, to put it mildly. I was insulted, offended and majorly pissed off. And to add insult to injury, they also wanted the fish in the pond.



My realtor said it was a good offer because they had a mortgage, guaranteed. Otherwise, the offer sucked big time. So we countered at a good price. We would pay for a warranty and offer a credit toward closing and repairs. We would not, however, give them the fish in the pond. They have a new home waiting for them. We figured it was a fair counter offer and we'd meet in the middle. That's how it works on TV, yanno.



They refused the counter. They would not pay a penny more for the house and they wanted all their demands met. Wait a minute! Who owns this house? We do! See ya!



Even though five months have passed, I do not regret turning that offer down. After further investigation, which I am wont to do, I found out the buyers were only using the husband's income and credit. The wife's would not be used. She made more than he did. They were going to turn around and resell the house.



Oh, no. I think not. I was not born yesterday. Last Tuesday, maybe, but not yesterday.



So we have had a parade of buyers in and out of our house. And what a breed of intrepid adventurers they are!



We had a woman come to look at the house one fine summer afternoon. She walked in and said, "Oh! I don't to stairs!", and walked back out. Then why are you looking at three storey rowhouses in Dundalk? Duh!



We had a gentleman who said he liked the house but could not buy it because we have a handicapped parking space out front and he's not handicapped.....................We know where his sign is.



We breed and raise exotic birds. We have a room just for them. We always let people know about them and welcome them in, where they are noisily and joyfully greeted by the gang. A few people have been terrified of birds and left quickly. Some have stayed and played with the crew. One couple even adopted a pair. And one guy said he couldn't buy the house because he doesn't know how to take care of birds. We tried to explain that they're coming with us................

Some people shouldn't be allowed out of bed in the morning.



We had a couple come through who were appalled at the sight of our packed boxes. Um, folks, we're kinda MOVING!!!!!



One lady did not like my furniture. Well, hon, I don't like it either! That's why it's going to the dump and not moving to Texas with us. Either way, it's furniture! It does not stay.



One genius took offense that I have real solid oak floors throughout the house and not Pergo. Oops. Sorry. Let me get right on that.



A dear and darling lady did not appreciate the fact that I had painted neutral colors in all the rooms that were too close to white. Hey, lady! I watch HGTV! You're supposed to do that!



So I now feel that I can't win for losing. I could replace flooring, cabinets, countertops, appliances and fixtures, and the buyers would still find fault with it.



So I give up! I will clean and polish and Febreze until the longhorns come home, but I will NOT try and please the home buying public any longer. Someday, somebody will walk in and decide to buy the house at a decent price and everyone will be happy.



In the meantime, we shall be patient. Texas awaits. Acres of land, a one storey rancher, room for ponies and camels and burros and zebras............Cheaper utilities, no state income tax, lower property taxes, cowboys in tight jeans........................And all for under a hundred thousand dollars.



YeeHaw, Pardner!